Arms not long enough

Category: Kids

Son(4): “Sometimes I eat too much and my stomach hurts super duper bad. And my arm isn’t long enough to get the food back out.” 

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Definition: Accident

Category: Kids

Son(4):  Mommy, why does that ambulance have its lights on?

Mommy:  Because there was an accident someplace.

Son:  Oh, I know what an accident is, it is when you do something bad and then say you are sorry and you don’t get a time out.

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Momma’s Cookin, 2

Category: Kids

This is a continuation of Momma’s Cookin’.

This morning my Son(4) told me this story:

Son (4): Mommy last night in the middle of the night I heard this sound (he sings the Super Why song) and I knew there was a problem! So, I turned into a super hero and took out my telescope (he puts his fingers around his eyes like binoculars) and looked out the window. There was a bad guy in the street. I knew just what to do Mommy!

Mom: Oh? What was that?

Son: I threw him some of those cookies you made the other night and they killed him! They killed him Mommy. My super hero powers and your Mommy cookies saved the day!

I am thinking… I take this as a compliment or do I need to adjust my cookie recipe?

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Money Blows To Us

Category:  Kids

My son (4) found money in the car door handle compartment area and says, “Mommy, do you know how money got in here?”
Mommy:  ”No, how”
Son:  ”A big wind came and blew it out of someone’s hands and then it landed in our car.  It always lands in this car because it is money’s favorite car.”
Mommy: “Why?”
Son: “Black is money’s favorite color…so….it likes our car.”
Mommy is thinking, SCORE!  Money blowing into my car doesn’t sound bad!

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Why God Made Spiders

Category: Kids

A continuation of Advanced Numbers 1, 2 and 3 and 69 Days

Son(4): “Mommy, do know why God made spiders?”

Mommy: “No, why?”

Son: “So they can all get together, 69 of them, to fight bad guys. Yep, that is why…just so you know.”


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End of the Line

Category: Just Somebody, Customers

In this case I was the customer. I was at a clothing store around Christmas. The cashier was removing the clothes from the hanger then suddenly, while looking down, put everything on the counter. Then slowly raised her head and said, “I can’t deal with this anymore, I don’t want to help you right now.” and walked away. Bad day at work!

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Category: Guys

Kalon from bachelorette says Emily’s daughter Ricky is “baggage”, then doesn’t understand why that sounds bad. MEN! Come on!

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Movies and Sugar

Who:  Mommy and Walt(4)

Walt and I were playing an intense game of cars.  He caught my “bad” guy cars and put them jail. I told him I was strong and could bust out and get him. He said,

“No you can’t, I am going to feed you sugar and make you watch movies so you aren’t strong anymore.”

-Wow, I can’t believe he put that together!

-Submitted by Kimberly-

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Scare the Robins Away

Who:  Son(4)

Son, “Mommy, did you know Grandma has dogs to scare the robins away?”

Me:  ”No, really?”

Son, “Yeah, robins are really bad.”

-I still didn’t catch on for some reason and then the next day while playing pretend in a chalk village we made outside.

Son, “Mommy, you are a robin.”

Mommy, “Ok” so I started to whistle.

Son, “You are being really bad.”

Mommy, “Squawk Squawk” while running around waving my arms.

Son, “I caught you, you have to go to jail now.”

Son to friends, “My Mommy was a bad robin so I put her in jail.”

Finally it clicked!

Mommy, “Do you be robber?”

Son, “Yes, Mommy, you are a bad robin!”

-Submitted by Gina-

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The McDonald’s Oil Change

Who:  Mommy and Son(4)

Mommy said to Daddy, “I need to get an oil change soon.”

Son said, “Oooh, we can go to McDonalds, YIPPIE.” while jumping around excited.

Mommy, “Why are we going to McDonalds?”

Son, “For an oil change right? Grandma said they cook the french fries in oil.”

-While I am glad he understands oil is bad for you, I am not sure why he continued to eat french fries when he thought they were cooked in car oil!

-Submitted by Cindy-

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