Heights

“I am not afraid of heights but I am afraid of falling off of stuff.” Erica on Glass House

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Butter

Stranger woman in her 30′s in a grocery while looking at butter, “Butter is the Smotha for a Motha.” Then looked at me and grunted.  What?

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Age Conditioning

Category:  Doctor

I am an athletic 37 year old but seem to be falling apart. My sports med doctor told me, “When you were younger, you could use soccer as conditioning.  At your age now, you need to condition to play soccer.”

-Thanks Doc!

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Waiting to Die

Category: Just Somebody

I was in an hotel one night when a huge storm came through and tornado sirens sounded at 1:00 a.m. Everyone in the hotel gathered in a lobby area when a random guy came running in and says, “This looks like a room full of people waiting to die!”

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Ambiguously Annoying Person

Category: Just Somebody, Customers

I called a physical training type place (MAT) today to ask some questions. This was the conversation:

Me: “Hi, I was wondering how much a visit costs?”
Ambiguously Annoying Person: “We can’t determine that until you come in and we see you.”
Me: “Well I would like to know just how much an hour is, or a ball park.”
AAP: “Well, we need to see you to discuss cost. Do you have any other issues?”
Me: “Ok, time is an issue for me. It is difficult for me to get to appointments due to kids and work. About how often would I need to come?”
AAP: “That depends on you and what you need.”
Me: “I understand but in general do people go every day or once a week? Thirty minutes or an hour?
AAP: “It really just depends on you, you can do thirty minutes, you can do an hour, we need to see you first.”
Me: (Laughing a bit at this point), “Ok, well what times do you guys operate?”
AAP: “We are by appointment.”
Me: “Yes, but what times of day do you take appointments?”
AAP: “What would you like?”
Me: “I am just wondering, if you take appointments early in the morning and late at night, before and after work.”
AAP: “What works best for you?”
Pause with me sort of snickering (AAP must have read that my “energy” level was off)
AAP: “I can tell that you need our services, why don’t you come in for one free initial visit and we can discuss.”
Me: “As I said before, time is an issue for me. I would like to learn more about your services before I take the time out to see you.”
AAP: “Well maybe you should just try physical therapy with your doctor for a bit and if it doesn’t work come and see us…we will still be here.”

Oh my fucking god….please just answer one question!

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Random Fellow

Category: Just somebody

A random fellow walked up to me in the grocery store and told me, “You better hang on to those kids tight, they are very cute. You don’t want someone taking them from you someday” YIKES! Run away, Run away!

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End of the Line

Category: Just Somebody, Customers

In this case I was the customer. I was at a clothing store around Christmas. The cashier was removing the clothes from the hanger then suddenly, while looking down, put everything on the counter. Then slowly raised her head and said, “I can’t deal with this anymore, I don’t want to help you right now.” and walked away. Bad day at work!

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Common Doctor Joke

Category: Doctors

This is probably a common doctor joke but I thought it was good. I had an appointment with a doctor about shin pain I was having. During the conversation I said, “When I was in college I broke my leg in two places.” He said, “Well I hope you never went back to those places again!”

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Rectify

Category: Doctors

I was having rear end issues and the nurse over the phone said, “I am not comfortable with you rectifying the situation yourself.” Ha! Recitfy….

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Great Uncle Replacement

Category:  Kids

My great uncle is sick and there has been some discussion at various dinners lately about it. I didn’t realize how much my son was picking up on.

Son(4): Mommy, did your great uncle die?

Mommy:  No, he just real sick right now.

Son:  Well, when he dies, I will be your great uncle for you.

How Sweet!

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Category: Just Somebody

On an airplane sitting next to a nice lady. She was buttoned up and older, and seemed very polite. As the food came around, we discussed how it wasn’t the best cuisine in the world, but were still very hungry nonetheless. She said, “I’m so hungry, I would eat sh#@!” And then she gave a tiny, cute laugh.

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